Following these simple
practices, you can keep holiday spending to a minimum and avoid entering the
new year with large debts.
1) Steal Things
Stealing things for those
on your gift list can save you hundreds even thousands of dollars, particularly
if you are adventurous enough to take big ticket items like automobiles and
electronic systems. But even if you are new to thievery, you can easily find
items for stocking stuffers hanging unguarded in public spaces or on mall
Christmas trees. It is also worth noting that, during the festive season,
visually impaired buskers often have more than they really need in their
collection buckets.
2) Pick Fights with Friends
and Relatives
You can dramatically reduce the pressure to buy gifts for others if you begin now to pick fights with your closest friends and relations. It is not very difficult because, at this time of year, the more minor the issue in dispute the better. Really petty and personal arguments are the most likely to create a we’re-not-speaking-to-each-other, giftless holiday. A similar situation can be induced by using a family member’s credit card for online gambling as an extension of the “Stealing Things” strategy above.
You can dramatically reduce the pressure to buy gifts for others if you begin now to pick fights with your closest friends and relations. It is not very difficult because, at this time of year, the more minor the issue in dispute the better. Really petty and personal arguments are the most likely to create a we’re-not-speaking-to-each-other, giftless holiday. A similar situation can be induced by using a family member’s credit card for online gambling as an extension of the “Stealing Things” strategy above.
3) Crash
Christmas Parties
Throughout the month of
December, many hotel meeting rooms are overtaken by receptions and parties for
the employees of large organizations, their guests, and their clients. Food and
drink flows freely and openly. The likelihood of being noticed in an
environment where no one person knows everyone is very slim. You can also meet
some of your holiday consumption needs by hovering in pubs and restaurants
moving slowly back and forth between the entrance and the bathroom until you
hear someone ordering a bottle or a pitcher for the table, then grab a glass
and pull up a chair.
4) Monastery
Unless you are prepared to
convert to another religion (a tactic that is only good until calendar comes to
that other religion’s own debt-inducing festival), you might consider joining a
convent or a monastery for the Christmas season informing your friends and
family that you have taken a temporary vow of poverty. The monastery may even
provide free wine and stage special concerts over Christmas.
5) The Truth about Santa
Often the greatest inducement to spend beyond your means comes from your children, nieces, nephews, and the offspring of friends. Even though you might feel compelled to splurge on the little ones, you don't have to. Explain to them the importance and value of simple and meaningful gestures over expensive and ephemeral material things. And if that doesn’t work, let the children know that Santa was killed in a sleigh crash and won’t be coming this year.
Often the greatest inducement to spend beyond your means comes from your children, nieces, nephews, and the offspring of friends. Even though you might feel compelled to splurge on the little ones, you don't have to. Explain to them the importance and value of simple and meaningful gestures over expensive and ephemeral material things. And if that doesn’t work, let the children know that Santa was killed in a sleigh crash and won’t be coming this year.
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| Link to Satire |
