Government Mouse-Beer Subsidy

The Government of Castoria today announced funding of $499,800 for the development new technologies at La Société Bras-souris, a bottling plant in the Eastern counties that will specialize in the insertion of dead rodents in empty beer bottles.

“Got the idea from my brother Pierre,” said Bras-souris founder and president Jacques Boisson. “He found dead mouse in the bottle of Cinquante and Labatt gives him a whole case and tickets to hockey.”

Bras-souris previously received funding from the Castorian regional beer consumption development fund for an economic analysis based upon the relative return on investment of one (1) case of a dozen domestic beer and two (2) regular season (Red Zone) seats per mouse-bottle.   The business plan on this model provided the basis for the Government decision to invest in the next phase of mouse-insertion technology development.  Markets for the mouse-bottle products were projected using a combination of international sales of mescal-worm Tequila and consumer lawsuits against McDonald’s.

“Our Government’s Economic Redundancy Development Plan is driving investment and innovation in all communities no matter how remote and seemingly unjustified,” said the Honourable Daniel Dimm, Minister of State (Science Subsidy). “Our long-term political prosperity depends on supporting businesses like this, and we will be there to help them acquire the tools they need to do these kind of things. “

In making the announcement, the Minister noted the environmental benefits of the yet-to-be-invented Mice-in-the-Beer technologies saying that recycling bottles was a good thing especially if combined with biological materials.

In a related story, stock in Labatt Breweries dropped today on the NASDAQ and Tokyo Exchanges as well as in the largest trading centres in Castoria.