The Media Pundit Mime

Great Idea #823

After many years in politics, government, and pretend policy, I have formed firm opinions about national issues. Generally speaking my firm opinion is that my opinions are better informed, more reasonable, more worthy, and firmer than the opinions of other people who do not happen to share my opinions or my body.

This often makes it a struggle to avoid confrontational discussions with bad-smelling seatmates on the bus. When elections are called, I become particularly tense, and there have been times when I feared that my darker, less respectful side would drag me down into the gutter of sneering rudeness, interrupting matches, and lip fights.

In short -- I realized that I would make an EXCELLENT political panel member on television or radio.

But, at the same time, I do not want to come across like one of those mindless panelists who recite media lines provided by political friends or regurgitate old ideologies under the veil of a current event.

For this reason, I have developed a special strategy to avoid confrontations, the air of shallowness, and still assert my sense of smug superiority in media panel political discussions. 
In order to brand myself as unique-in-the-TV-Political-Analysis arena and avoid quotable stupidity, I am going to promote myself as Canada’s first Political Analysis Media Mime, acting out my opinions through body motions under the semi-anonymity of speechless white face.

When the cameras roll and I am on air, I will become mute, let others prattle on, and mime the following.
1. Roll eyes.

2. Sigh and look away.

3. Shake head.

4. Shrug.

5. Open eyes wide, open mouth, make vomiting motions.

Like a disabled veteran of foreign wars, I will convey experience and authority that has no need to assert itself verbally --- and yet I will always have the last wordless word.