The men representing the SFF told us that their organization had been established for the purpose of doing a study, specifically the one being presented to us today.
They explained that study reveals previously unreported information and throws into question the relevance of public attitudes, legislation, and all other around the issue of gun ownership in Castoria.
After reviewing data provided by an internationally accessible, openly editable encyclopedia on the internet, the Foundation researchers discovered a clear and definable correlation between the level of gun ownership in a nation and its ordered placement within an alphabetized ranking as per the first letter in the name of the country. The name in English, of course.
As it turns
out, the name of a country has a lot to do with the domestic proliferation of
guns !!
· In the list of 177 nations with anonymously
supplied, editable data online, 110 have names that begin with letters falling
into the first half of the alphabet (A to M). These countries have an average
of 10.03 guns per 100 residents whereas the 67 nations with names falling into
the last half of the alphabet (N to Z) report 11.96 guns for the same
population - a stark 20 per cent increase in gun ownership.
“I guess it
makes sense,” my boss said upon skimming the
report. “The first half of the alphabet seems happier and less paranoid – in
fact, happy is alphabetically in the first half and paranoid is in the last.”
· "For example, “U” countries like Uruguay and Uzbekistan have an average
of 25.36 guns per hundred people whereas the alphabetically adjacent “T”
countries, such as Togo and Timor-Leste, ran around 4.6 guns in the study," one of the men said.
“We are here today because we fear gun control fanatics will start calling our country ‘THE United States of Castoria’ all
the time instead of just U.S.C.,” said the other Foundation rep. “I am sure they will use this study like all the
others to twist things.”
"The
Straight Facts Foundation is committed to encouraging debate on
important issues, to meeting its standards of credibility, and to providing
information to assist in the advancement of opinion," added the older of the two. "It attests
to the findings of this study in this context."
We thanked them for their presentation and undertook to give it due consideration.
We thanked them for their presentation and undertook to give it due consideration.
